White Noise

I wake up at 7 AM to the sound of my screaming alarm. For those of you who don’t know or forgot what it is like to be in college, it is the equivalent to waking up at 4 AM to start your day. Heavy eyes and a stifled yawn to avoid waking up the person laying next to me. This is the reality that I currently live in, going to a school to get an education that I can hopefully use post graduation. Dealing with people who do not understand the concept of silence, or for that matter common sense. The two most basic principles that are established in us at a young age, lost over time for most, kind of like a memory of an early birthday. As we grew up, maturing and learning how to interact in certain social situations, others did not, dealing with a stunt in their mental growth. For most of the people that I interact with I feel like I am back in grade school, dealing with drama over who took what toy, or the name calling that was going back and forth between two individuals. Complaining for the sake of complaining, and me acting like I am listening when in reality I am more focused on the school work that I need to get done, or even better, lunch. I listen to seem compassionate, however I am anything but. Living in a society where people have such low self-esteem that I have to avoid being honest with someone when they are acting unreasonable or childish, just to prevent hurting their feelings. The reality is I would love to tell them to just shut it, to think about how idiotic they are being, and really just yell until the realize that: A. I am crazy and B. they are stupid for getting upset over so-and-so acting a little rude, when they could have spoken out against it. I live in a society where we are chastised for expressing healthy emotions of anger, sadness, and selfishness, we instead have to substitute them for calmness, glee, and well unselfishness. Being told that it is unhealthy to bottle up emotions, but at the same time being told that it is against this social law to speak out in anger over a situation is the reason why I am so confused in life. I have to watch out for others peoples feelings, when completely disregarding my own, especially when it comes to situations where I have to be compassionate. So instead of being honest and reasonable, I turn into a fake coward who is guilty for not speaking up with the fear of being ridiculed, working to diffuse the situation, trying to not make it worse. The irony is that this only works 40% of the time, with the other 60% involves me sitting in a seat biting my tongue as I get yelled at for, well not speaking up. It is a game much like Russian Roulette, and every time a situation arises I hope that I manage to get lucky and shoot a blank. This is my life, one that I continue to choose for myself, and have no one else to blame. Yet I have never made a single excuse for living the way that I do, with the hope that by doing so, others will silently catch on and do the same. Instead it is drowned out by all of the White Noise.